In the last few years, simple class valentines seem to have been replaced by more elaborate gift packages, leaving some parents confused, embarrassed and even a little annoyed.
"I was shook," Jaqueline Dowling of Greenville, South Carolina, tells TODAY.com. Last Valentine's Day, her then-3-year-old son Max brought home a giant haul that included Play-doh, a monster truck and a customized puzzle.
"Who has the time?" Dowling says. "I literally ran to Walmart a couple days before, let Max pick out old school Spiderman cards with erasers, and I thought that was it. When he came home with, literally, a basket full of stuff, I was floored."
Dowling posted a video of her and her husband examining Max's gifts that has over 2 million views.
She doesn't plan to be caught flat-footed again.
"I am not letting that happen to me this year. This year, we are going all out," she says determinedly. "If you know me personally, I am very extra, but I just did not think that it needed to start in pre-k," Dowling says.
Crystal Ransons of Southern California had a similar experience. When her son was in kindergarten in 2023, they purchased sweet valentines that could be folded into paper airplanes.
"He comes back with his bag full of goody bags like he just went to 30 parties," she tells TODAY.com.
This isn't the only time her son has come home with goody bags. At their "normal public school," Ransons says parents send cupcakes and goody bags for school birthday celebrations. "So he's getting these goody bags twice a month at minimum," she says.
"Half the stuff ends up in the garbage or my dog chews it up," she adds.
Ransons intentionally chose not to send goody bags in 2024 for Valentine's Day, and doesn't plan to this year either.
"I leave that up to my kids," she says. "If they want to do the bags, I'll do them. But he has not once said that he wants to do them."
Carmela Lerner from Long Island, New York didn't intend to send any valentines to her son's 1st grade classroom in 2023, but the teacher sent home a flyer the day before the holiday. So she stayed up late cutting out hearts and handwriting messages on them.
She was shocked when her son came home with pens, toys and other doodads.
"I can't believe we were doing this," she tells TODAY.com. "At the end of the day, if you're a mom that would love to send goody bags, I have no problem with it."
Lerner won't have to worry this year, though, because the school sent home a flyer with instructions for Valentine's Day requesting that parents avoid sending goody bags altogether.
Megan Olivetti, a mom of three from Connecticut, decided to get ahead of the issue this year.
Because her three kids received a number of fancy goody bags for Valentine's Day last year, she posted a TikTok video on Jan. 26, 2025 asking what parents planned to send this year.
She also had a request in her video description: "We need to tone it down and make it easier for everyone ... do less."
@regular_megan I remember we would just pick a card we liked at the dollar store and put it in a bag on our friends desk and call it a day. I was not getting goodie bags . Sure there was the occasional lollipop or fun dip, but parents these days are going too far if you ask me. We need to tone it down and make it easier for everyone.. do less. #valentines #daycare #school ♬ original sound - regularshmegularmegan
Olivetti tells TODAY.com that part of the reason she recorded the video was that she "felt overwhelmed even thinking about buying and assembling all these bags."
In an attempt to do "more" but not "too much," Olivetti purchased a giant bag of candy that would cover all three kids' classes. As a nod to the character valentines she loved so much as a kid, she'll secure a piece of candy to each card.
Olivetti's kids are still young, but she worries that when they start attending public school economic differences between families will be obvious. "There are going to be families out there who can't afford to put together this extravagant goody bag," she explains. "And I don't want to be the person who brings that goody bag and makes that kid feel bad."
On the other hand she adds that there are likely parents who "genuinely enjoy giving, and that's what fulfills them, and that's their love language. But it's just a little much for me."
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